What is Silent Divorce Therapy?

Let's find out whether your marriage has "too much water under the bridge" or if you and your partner can develop enough new views of each partner's needs and ways to satisfy them, for the marriage to re-align and happily continue.

"Too much water under the bridge" is a simple way to describe the meaning among professionals, of "Silent Divorce".

For anyone who is married, living with their spouse in the same house, if the following feels familiar, then your relationship could be considered in a phase of "silent divorce".

At the end of a workday, on the commute home, as you get nearer your house, instead of feeling your workday tensions release, they instead turn into anticipatory tension of what likely will greet you upon turning the key to enter your house door.

Instead of a smile along with, "how was your day?", more likely you expect walking into a mood of silent agitation.

Next comes dinner either in silence or taking turns at the meal table.

Followed by brief as necessary talk about any practical or household matters of the day.

The one certain common ground is that each partner feels similarly uncertain how to change the current scenario except to legally dissolve the marriage.  

Very often despite the heavy atmosphere of the couple, each partner feels strongly attached to the other and would prefer keeping their marriage, in a re-conditioned status.

Again each partner faces a similar dilemma, of having no new ideas on how to get out of the mud and back on the road to a happy relationship.

Each one feels worn out and a bit frozen, by their repetitive interaction patterns, the pile up of hurt and resentment, to come up with anything new.

"Silent Divorce Therapy" starts by accepting the plain premise of a marriage on thin ice is a valid and sometimes the considered best choice of each partner.  

Therapy for a Silent Divorce couple concentrates on negotiating ways to manage existing functional needs of the couple and household, and increasing psychological and emotional stability of living within this paradigm.

Silent Divorce Therapy, as in all therapy modes, also functions on the premise of respect for all clients in the session.

Sometimes Silent Divorce Therapy is the first time in many years for each partner to be expected to speak respectfully to the other partner.

Sometimes respect itself builds a safe enough mood for the partners to relax, notice their emotions more, and soften toward the other.

At the very least, respectful interaction of Silent Divorce Therapy allows clearer thinking than the mood from hurt, insults, humiliations and anger of psychological and emotional wall building between themselves.

The outcomes of Silent Divorce Therapy vary and range from, agreeing the reality of the marriage is mostly for convenience, and to set acceptable terms for the partners to handle practical matters.

Legitimizing Silent Divorce gives valid and workable terms for continuing the marriage.  This also has the great effect of releasing some or at least pausing continued accumulation of pain and bitterness.

The main other possible outcomes are,

the couple starts actively improving their marriage.  

the partners agree to divorce.

In all instances, Silent Divorce Therapy is a couples therapy modality which precisely describes an existing condition of some marriages, which until now was unacknowledged.