Its Ok to Cry

Sometimes tears are the best way to get close enough to a problem so that we find our way out.

Here is some encouragement to feel your tears and use their good advice.  

I wrote this essay for FamilyAffaires.com several years ago.

"Its Ok to Cry"

Sometimes life is as bad as you think it is.

No matter how many articles point out the bright side, the challenge, the “unique opportunity”, of having a child or children who have autism, there are heart sinking life moments in being a parent whose child or children have autism, when optimistic reframing feels like a distraction from a genuine moment of true pain.

Recognizing the truth of feeling badly, is actually quite good.

Figuring out answers is easier when the truth of a situation is clear.

Our entire culture would be better able to show support, relate from our shared humanity, by knowing if and when a parent whose child has autism, hurts.

The more that we spin difficult moments into sentimental ones, the more confused we all become.

We all become stronger by embracing the difficulties of natural differences. This encourages us to recognize our commonality and opens more kindness among all of us.

As individual families, it is impossible to ignore that developmental social milestones, exist.
When a teen learns to drive, when parents discuss what car and who will pay for it, when deciding on what colleges to apply, the parent of a teen who has autism, will most likely be starting care and trust planning for when their teen who has autism, reaches adult full legal age.

For some parents, recognizing moments like this, are nothing but raw pain.

For some parents, their ignorance that you hurt, is their missed opportunity of being supportive of you.

Truthful crying in knowing others live the same dream definition of a family which you have had for as long as them, and will never have, is raw honesty to oneself.

The tears may not even be about ones own kids who have autism. The tears may be about your own life dreams being disappointed. That is a valid reason to cry.

Understand for the logic of your tears.

By removing the level of ego wish for a daily life which will not be, you free yourself to approach and be approached by others who would like being in your life as it is.
Also possible, you may free yourself for the deeper level of relating to your kids who have autism, as the unique young people they are.